Good morning.
Breakfast was typical (and Delicious!):
IMG_2381While I was eating I doing my usual blog reading. I don’t know why but it’s like just how I like to start my day; take an hour to go to my favourite blogs and just eat and drink coffee as I chill and prepare for the day. Just super relaxing.

So as I was going through Blogs, I saw that Annabel over at Feed Me I’m Cranky, has posted a three part series on What Motivates You. Really inspiring. You can even find what motivates me (a meer skin surface look at what motivates me) in the Part II of the 3 part series.

Honestly, it’s amazing to see all the different things that motivate people in the blogosphere. And you know it motivates a lot more people as well.

But maybe I’ll share a little more about what motivates me…

Yes, a small part of me is totally vain, and how I look is important. I know that working out, movement, and eating whole healthy foods will keep in good shape.

All the other blogs out there. Kath, Angela, Marianne, Annabel and so many others motivate me and remind me that I am normal. I actually like healthy food, and I enjoy eating foods that leave me feeling good.
On the flip side of this I want to motivate others. Here at UBC, and especially in the residence area, where I’m very involved, many people know I’d like to be a dietititan. And they ask me about food all the time, what should I eat? What’s good for me? How can I lose weight? Honestly? A part of me hates to answer these questions because for so many people eating good food (good tasting and good for you) vs. eating junk food (food that provides little in the way of nutrients) is so wrapped up in guilt and other emotions that I don’t want to feed that “fear” in people. I want to be an example that you can be fit, healthy and still enjoy food. So many people seem to find that if they enjoy food, they should feel guilty. NO! NO! NO! We cannot seperate emotion from food, there have been too many thousands of years where we have attached emotion and ceremony to eating. Hmmm, maybe I’ll need to do an entire post on this subject.

Feeling Good
Healthy food makes me feel good. It gives me energy and helps me get through my day. For real. I used to love pigging out on junk food. In fact I was a full on binger, and at my lowest I fooled around with bulimia. But over the past two and half years I’ve grown far beyond that. Exercise also makes me feel good. I’m a mover I think. I actually find sitting down for times as short as thirty minutes difficult. I love the feeling I get when I pass a new fitness milestone, and I try something new and do it successfully. My most recent love is yoga. I used to HATE yoga, just didn’t fit me, but right now, it’s the exercise that I need, for some reason. Really people, don’t be afraid to try something new, or something you used to hate, because you never really know what you might change your mind about.

And last but not least, what motivates me?

Who I am now, and who I was are two entirely different people. Every time I feel myself slipping back into that sad melancholy feelings, I think about how much more often I used to feel this way. There was a time that every night all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and disappear. I would scarf food down like there’d be no tomorrow, always telling myself, tomorrow I won’t eat at all! I’d binge, try to purge (starvation or exercise mostly) and fail and feel guilty then eat. Then I made the decision, that if something was going to change I’d have to make that change. Yes it was a very conscious decision. I was like, I’m fat, so fucking what? And I began to exercise, I saw a therapist (just once actually, because she gave me some tools that really helped) and I began a journey to get to where I am today. The days between binges got longer and longer, and the days between feeling guilty about who I was have gotten so far apart that, well, I hardly feel guilty any more. And when I do? I let myself feel that way, I accept it, then I move on and do something about it to make me feel better. It’s all about the accepting for me.

Hmmm, as you can see, this post is coming to you much later in the afternoon. I guess it took me awhile to really get it all out in a way that felt honest and straight forward, there was a little thinking involved here.

So to you all, good evening, and adieu for now.


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